Over Crowding

Today I was on the train and i had to wait for TWO trains to get on because they were completely packed. This reminds me of the lathe of heaven by. Ursula K. Le Guin. I feel like our city is getting way to over populated, maybe bitches should stop getting pregnant at such an early age, and having so many. Its mad annoying, I hate waiting, and if people keep on popping out babies, then this would not be a problem.

I bet in 20 years its going to be like how it is in China


and if so I hope I'm dead, wrong, or have moved to a less crowded place... -__-

On a lighter note I did really well on my report card and am pretty proud of myself that I party every weekend, get fucked up, have a life basically and still have "straight A's" if u don't count gym or art hahah. Fridays tomorrow, time to get fucked up!

Can we go back in time?

I want to go back in time
Back where we had no problems
Back when all you cared about were crayons
Back where nothing mattered
Back when boys had cooties
Back when we didn't have periods
Back when I didn't even know what a drug was
Back when I would play in the park all day
Back when staying up past 12 was rebellious
Back when having a play date brought so much excitement

What happened to the youth?
Why do we rely on parties to have fun?
Why do people rely on drugs to escape?
Why can't we just be little again?

If I knew what would happen as I got older I would want to stay young forever
If I could go back even to summer I would change so much
If you ask me why I am immature, act childish, love disney
I will tell you this:
I am only considered a minor, a child in the sense for two more years. At 18 I am legal
At 21 there will be no more fake ids, no more childish acts
I want to live my life to the fullest
I never want to grow up
I am afraid of growing up

What I think of when trying to sleep

I was trying to take my daily nap; however, i kept of thinking of scary stories in my head and this was one of them

"She sat on the cold kitchen floor with her knees curled up against her chest unable to move, as she peered over the kitchen counter a black shadow passed by into her room. The fright took over her unable to scream she put her hands over her mouth as a tear dripped on to the floor. Every sound she heard was magnafied and she peered over the counter once more, to see nothing. She stumbled but stood up and as she looked behind her, her own shadow was in the mist holding up a knife. She looked in her hands un armed, confused puzzled she gasp as her own shadow relentlessly stabbed her, vigorously and fibrously . She laid on the floor dead, but when her mom came home she screamed with all her might. Her daughter on the floor, blood surronding her, with a bloody knife in her hand"

I may be a little unstable...haha

A life of Drugs

I am proud to say I have never done any other drug besides smoking weed(which I don't even do THAT much). However, people around me have subjected themselves to a life of drugs. That is all they want to do, all they think about, all they are. The drugs have consumed their body and soul. They would die for drugs, and would easily leave their friends behind on this journey through their minds. I honestly think drugs are stupid, people may say "well you never did them you wouldn't know" and all I have to say is thank God. For the reason being I have watched two of my very close friends become one with the drug of their choice. Unable to function it feels without it. They have become liars, thieves, and it disgust me. I look at them and don't see my friend, but a distorted representation of them. What can I do? I've yelled at them, lectured them, started to ignore them, but I can no longer watch these drugs eat away my friends lives. I will attempt one last time to help, and if it fails again, then all I am left to do it move on. I know thats may sounds foul, but it is killing me almost as much as it is killing them. I have become more prone to crying, being depressed, and thinking about the problems that I have already had to get over, are coming back into my brain. I want this stupidity to end. But why do I feel like it never will? Why do I feel like I am wasting my breath. Is is because the drug has become bigger then them? Is it to the point where the drug is more important than me? Are they just blinded by this fake euphoric feeling they claim to feel. A feeling that they would never be able to achieve sober?

I feel it is so much more real to be happy when your sober, have friends when your sober, have fun when you sober. Although I rely on alcohol on the weekends to relieve of my stress, to help me let loose is that the same? For I rely on parties to have fun. But, I still have fun sober, I still can cry of laughter in the middle of math class. And I feel so much more human having fun when I am sober then when I am drunk or high. I know it sounds hypocritical because I am still going to drink and party, but isn't that my reward for doing well in school? Or am I too just blinded? Is that the same way they feel except amplified 100 times more? I wish I could go inside their minds and figure out what they are thinking? What in their right mind makes them think this is okay? Maybe that is just it, they are not in their right state of mind....

Break and shit

This Mid-Winter break was crazy fun. I went out with my girls every night except for 2 nights. I woke up this morning(afternoon like 3pm) with a collective hang over, probably from the build up of all the alcohol in my body. I learned that at these huge parties with a lot of people I don't know can be fun, but I also like parties with a good amount of people, mostly people I know and an environment where i can actually socialize with people that could be new friends, new crushes and just talk to my good friends and let loose. But, at big parties of over 300 people probably you can't really do that, it gets to crowdy, a lot of creepers and to me personally isn't as much fun as house parties. I think I am officially over brooklyn warehouse parties, and for the next month I think I may try to avoid them, Ill see how that goes.

Change

I haven't wrote anything in a while because I didn't feel like I learned a life lesson in a while. But, as I stumbled upon a thread my friend and I wrote over the summer I started to realize so much as changed in the last few months and it got me really upset. My best friend has been changing and I feel like i barely know her sometimes. I haven't seen my "close friends" in the longest. I see my ex-friend in school and its like she doesn't exist, like I never knew her, like we never talked, laughed had fun together. I feel like everyone is changing and its impossible to escape it. Whether or not you want change or not its going to happen. The world is always changing maybe or maybe not for the better, but it is. Last weekend I had the biggest reality check that I am not indestructible, but can be embarrassed too. I feel like i needed that. I wonder if I am changing. Can people see themselves change? Or can we only see in others what we don't see in ourselves. I guess that question is debatable, but I can only imagine how much will change in the next six months. I hope i still have my close friends, but as the saying goes everything happens for a reason.

My pet peeves

My friends and I were talking about our pet peeves and I realized I had so many. So, I thought I would list some. This is kinda like what I learned, I learned all the things that people do that I hate..
I hate when people walk extremely slow in front of you...I hate when people say "i love you" after meeting you once, or when they clearly don't even know you enough...I hate girls that are dumb bitches and whores...I hate when girls think they are hot shit...I hate when people act tooo nice, its fucking weird and inhumane...I hate when your friends act soo sketchy...I hate liars and fake people(obviously)...I hate when your on the bus or train and a person squeezes into a spot that is clearly too small for their fat ass...I hate when people ask who you are texting...I hate when people join fan groups on facebook...I hate that I sometimes join fan groups on facebook...I hate how snow in the city turns into dirty slush in a matter of hours...I hate people who are always offended...I hate when people just stare at you with a blank expression...I hate when your friends say awkward things like ...I hate when guys lie about hooking up with girls...I hate PDA...Did i mention I hate WHORES, and those whores who think they are playing guys...no you are getting played you dumb fucking bitch. I think if i mention anything else i hate I am going to go insane.